It’s nothing serious

its just me breaking down whenever im alone especially with my thoughts i just scream and try to be considerate considerate with everyone else going through something bc i want to be strong for them

but the fact that i cant be strong for myself
i dont get it
its like im genuinely here for the people i love
but alone
im so gone
with everything
i feel lost like my heart just sinks deep in me and my brain scrunches up like its being squeezed so much and it hurts so bad
and so i try my best to cry so quietly so i wont disturb anyone i dont tell them im going through something i dont show them the pain i endure

Hi guys! I don’t think I could maintain being that active on tumblr unless its summertime so pardon my continuous absence and again if you want to reach me ((i want to catch up with you too dw))) you can reach me through
snapchat/insta: @neanicm or wechat/twitter: @calamaaari :) i miss you all sorry i cant post every little thing anymore sighs

Tidbit memories

i love hugs it’s like something that indicates someone caring enough to try to put all the broken pieces back together


What do you think love is?


"Our hearts
are wild creatures
that’s why 
our ribs 
are cages”

 More than roses

Oh, what a wonderful mess of happiness it is to love. Love for Him, your family & friends… it’s terribly amazing. Tiring but fulfilling. 
Maybe it isn’t about the huge gestures that take you places, but the small meaningful things that could change everything. 

To be genuinely cared for, to travel, to love and be happy with everything

We’re all too caught up with the rush of everything. The crazy confusion of life. The not-so-infinite knowledge of human stupidity. Why do we keep trying to understand? Why is it so hard to accept? Where and when do we stop and …how far is the limit?

 the silence is deafening

crazy how fast things can change and day by day we don’t notice much of it
in a year, this day… who knows what could happen

and that’s the funny part, we live like there’s a guaranteed tomorrow

all the hate, all the pain present everywhere 
they say that the world isn’t improving not because of the bad people but the silence of good ones

we put up and shut up about most things, settling for “okay”, the little things don’t matter anymore and contentment seems to be lost in our vocabulary

everything feels like it’s fading away and i just hope that when things fall apart it also means that other things are falling into place

 Sometimes what we want isn’t best for us

“Trust whatever He has for you. It will be better than anything you can plan for yourself.”

What I crave for is unconditional acceptance.
Feelings will change, looks will change, knowledge will change but will your genuine love for someone ever change?
Even if there is that ironic saying that nothing is permanent but change I still do believe unconditional things are important.

When every person is unique a way or another, something about them will always stay as a trait of their own that nobody else can simply replace.. and maybe that’s the time you could decipher how much you care about something or not. The distance and limits and chances are things that practically won’t matter once you truly love someone. I still have faith that relationships nowadays have rare experiences on the matter of “change” because I’d rather have adjustments and go the distance moments when we’re talking about a complication.. there’s nothing ruder in relationships for me than wanting to make your significant other make forced changes in the way they naturally are. 

do u guys ever just think…

that we’re all brains really, controlling a soul.. with a body and a skeleton

 "why are you still holding on?"

Have you ever waited for nothing? You know you’re hanging onto nothing at all yet you’ve still got your grasp around it. Trying to seize what is thin air. You think there would be some miracle how it would all change and turn out to be like how you want it to be. And yes, you know that’s hardly gonna happen. Sometimes, some people live for these kinds of things. Hope… when they don’t want to fear it at all. The fear of risking what seems to be your whole attention span. The efforts of taking the chances and trying to think it changes everything, when in reality, it’s like trying to ride a stationary bike in hopes of reaching your paradise, when all you want is that dream, a mere cloud bubble that could pop in an instant. It’s what people strive for, achieving such a great success or fulfilling an expectation… Ah, the tragedy. 

No, I have no plans on sticking around anymore. No, I will not tolerate the horrible pain of a probability. I will move on. Accept the way things are. Break free from the chains that hinders me from what my capabilities in my life are. What’s past is past, it’s done, you can’t fix something that isn’t broken but you could accept the gift which is the present. 

 "No matter what" you said

When every night was a nightmare, you made me look forward to a brighter tomorrow because I knew you’d be there. Now you leave, I hide the excruciating pain and try to think you were never here. How could I when it has been such a long time since someone ever made me feel that special again, like I actually meant something… 
I saw the colors brighter, I see more clouds and birds chirping around, it felt like I was whole again… those sudden dark clouds just made me want to dance to their rhythm… but now every drop seems like every stab I get in the heart trying to forget what we almost had. It hurt when I wanted to try, it still hurts how I got pushed away and it hurts even more to know how someone important in my life wouldn’t fight to stay in it. “No matter what” was probably the best out of the rest I’ve heard in my years but then it’s just synonymous to words like Forever & Always…. ironically, it rarely lasts.

don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything, tell God what you need and thank him for all He has done
- Philippians 4:6

to my dismay, i say, too bad you can’t stay

 So much let downs

Do you ever just care about something or someone so much you didn’t really expect to? To get attached and having it all suddenly be taken away from you… pretending things are alright when nothing really is?

The cycle’s real of course, the wheel goes ‘round and ‘round, with happiness a minute the next a sadness you tried to ignore.. such realizations you think you could actually escape and the things that are important shoved against your face, mocking your very feelings.

Funny how much you wouldn’t know exactly how much it hurts a person. They’d think they’re so rejected from not being good enough or thinking they’re so easy to leave.. when the only trouble is you can’t assume because you’re not sure if the other person is breaking down as well
Yes, it gets better one day. It all takes place. Everything’s going to be okay.
But it’s not right now.

It’s all a scattered mess. You might not remember these horrible feelings but you sure can learn from them. Maybe a better tomorrow. You can conquer such tragedies with a single step of moving forward, leaving what’s left behind and not picking up those pieces. Although it hurts like a thousand slow knives going in and out of your chest… although the pain is unbearable.. truth is, you really might just be laughing about this kind of little things that matter now that probably will never matter when you’re older.

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frequently   asked   questions
You’re just 15?! Yas, I am. I’m a high school senior :)
When is your birthday? August 15 :)
Height? idk why people keep asking me this.. I’m not that tall but I’m 5’3 ahaha
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if you need more than that {click} for my answered questions!~ though of course my ask box is always welcome if you need someone to talk to :) but all I ask for is sensitivity & respect please.