I’m sure I’m not the only one too excited!
She hid herself sometimes from her own land of curiosity. Her feelings were never really expressed enough, always wondering if there was something more.
take me to art museums and make out with me
But they said to not touch the masterpieces
that was the smoothest fucking thing ive ever heard
What’s happening though… 2014’s so near and I’m still a boring teenager with a blog.
If being human is a mistake, why am I even here? When will it be okay to just be myself? To be understood, that’s what I long for. To let things be, my other desire. To have to accept anything and face it, that may be everything I will strive for to be happier.
Is it okay to be real? Is it okay to believe? When?
๑ when everything seems like a big whole story
๑ but who’s story
๑ all of us, somewhere, something
๑ how many
it’s hard to be in my mind, comprehending, compiling, compressing until I sink… to the level of the demon I fear the most, lies.
Our Christmas tree is still up… I think we’re not removing it until the end of January… Or not at all. CHRISTMAS TREES ARE COMPLICATED THINGS TO BUILD BUT HAPPY, kind of like me :) or hoping to be in 2014? 2013’s been eh.
Advance Merry Christmas, everyone! ily all
p.s. naubusan kaming lechon, iwas high blood
I am completely aware how people have it worse but I have troubles of my own too. I am going to be very honest as well to the fact that I feel like everything’s such a huge burden to me. How I’m a burden to myself, too. I worry, I over-think, I become paranoid… for what? what may not even matter in the end?
I’m so tired. Crying to myself, pouring it all out to a mirror and talking to the sink or the floor… I feel hopeless most of the time. Why is everything a burden to me? Maybe because I don’t want to live anymore but I’m saying this of course because of what I am feeling and things I have come to realize. I understand, I don’t understand, I know, I don’t know… but what is there to understand? Does it matter to know?
I have always come to a point in thinking maybe this is all a dream, how does one actually understand.. will you come to the part where you kill your anxieties of actually caring? Do you think you can fully understand anyone, anything or even yourself?
Everyone has their own points, their own opinions and point of views… would you actually know how the world of one person works? Maybe it’s better when I’m gone, when I’m numb, when I’m free… sleeping is nice for you enter a place where death is almost temporary. I often think that I don’t want to do something other people force me to do, I don’t like being pushed and what hurts the most is when I never do it for myself. Do you know how much it hurts? You will never. I was always or I am always or I will always try to be there for everybody else except me. Besides the world or everybody, I don’t really care about myself. Emotions suck. Nobody would ever realize how much damage I cause within myself. I admit I’m a horrible mess. It’s horrid to also come to thoughts that people would never know how much I try, how many times I don’t give up for them… I never do it for myself. If I actually cared about myself, I would’ve given up, I would’ve just stopped trying but I don’t because I respect how people value me although my importance to them is somewhat becoming a blur now for I don’t feel the appreciation, the times wherein I would feel welcome… I wouldn’t be judged. My intentions are always for the people I love and yet the rain keeps giving me storms now and then and sometimes it’s harder to handle and my balance is almost lost with the world I’m in. I’m losing touch with everything and I have jumped into the conclusion, I’m not even really cared about unless I say something about it. I’m sad because no one understands, even me.
I will not question why you don’t actually try to understand, try and try to get to the point why I’m like this, I’m just so depressed you can’t learn to accept the fact that I’m being the best I could be and yet you expect more from me. The simple things matter the most to you and you don’t know how hard that is because I have no one here in the house. No one but myself, and I know how much I ruin myself.
I notice the small things the most, actions with hidden meaning, words that are sugar-coated, I would know. I may be responsible for myself but my mind is slowly malfunctioning and before you know it— the whole system crashes. I just need someone to be real with me.